Sharat (name changed) was a very handsome young man aged 24 who at present was going through depression and suicidal thoughts. He came to meet me at SEVA when it became unbearable. He looked disheveled and had not slept for a few days. His girlfriend had walked out on him for another man. He was deeply in love with her and it lasted for three years. Sharat found that the other man was richer and that could be the reason. He was devastated and felt worthless and could not comprehend why the girl had done this to him. He had dreams and plans for his future with her. He did not see this coming.

After talking and listening to him I assured that there was nothing wrong with him that made the girl change her mind. There could be some other reason for her decision. He was still wanting to know the reason. I said if he really wanted to know he can go ahead and find out. He did not have the courage to face her and know the real picture.

It took a few sessions to get him around to normalcy. I asked him about his family and how it might affect them? He realized that he had people who loved him deeply and wished that he would do well in his life. He has been wanting to become a model. I encouraged him to see all his positives and he had all the required qualities to become a model. He went and spent some time with his parents and had the opportunity to feel their love and care. When he came back to meet me he looked much better and said he was feeling better and happy.

He thanked me for reminding about his parents. He was the only son and said that his parents would have been devastated, had he taken some drastic step when he was depressed. It gives great satisfaction that he was reoriented to see his own positives and get over this major disappointment in life. The very handsome and attractive young man who was deeply contemplating to end his life could be saved from falling into deep depression and turn a new leaf in his life.

Blog Posted by Mala Thiagarajan - Counselor at Seva Free and Confidential counseling.

At the time of retirement, Mr Ravi (name changed) thought he had everything in life. His two children were well settled, married daughter living in US, and son settled in Hyderabad with his family. With settlement dues in hand and feeling financially comfortable, both Mr. and Mrs Ravi joined their son looking forward to a carefree life in the company of their grand children.

Hardly a year had passed then the things started changing. The son started demanding money to invest in stock market and purchase immovable property. Mr. Ravi at the insistence of his wife started giving him money till he was left with very little money, and with it the behavior of his son and daughter-in-law changed drastically. The old couple could no longer withstand their rudeness and insults. Both of them felt as if the world had crashed around them. They felt betrayed, hurt and humiliated. His wife went into depression which drained him of his remaining money.

Mr. Ravi was very depressed and started thinking whether the life was worth living, and the idea of suicide occurred to him. He sent his wife to her brother's house and started thinking of ways to end his life. It was during this period of utter frustration, despair and loneliness that he came across sign board of SEVA. Something prompted him. He walked in and met a volunteer. This meeting was followed by a number of sessions in which he gradually unfolded himself. At the same time, SEVA helped him realize that inspite of being relieved of what all he had by his greedy son the life was still worth living.

Blog Posted by Sudershan Khanna - Counselor at Seva Free and Confidential counseling.

The middle aged father stepped into SEVA centre hesitantly, looking unhappy, anxious and depressed. Too embarrassed to speak at first, he shrank low in his seat. It was difficult to confide in someone that his teenage daughter whom he trusted and loved dearly, had let him down badly with her wayward and irresponsible behavior. Here was a bright young girl, who for no apparent reason seemed to revel in hurting her parents in total violation of her upbringing. She had confessed to her father, almost bragged, that she had been sexually intimate with a boy that she been seeing for sometime now.

Her father was shocked at first, and then pained to realize that the moral values he thought he had instilled in her from her early years had been so carelessly cast aside. He could not understand why and how she had betrayed his trust in her and brought shame to her and her family. He was worried that her promiscuity might not end there. She might see other boys and carry on experimenting, exploring...

We listened with empathy and told him that we wished to speak with his daughter. During the following session with her, we discovered that the family lacked warm interpersonal relationships. There was sibling rivalry with her brother and sister, and she stayed aloof from them. Her father she labeled a 'tryant' a 'despot', a ruler with absolute powers, a hard stern man who never had time for his family. There was a conflict at home and a conflict within her.

Adolescence an age of turmoil, had turned her into an adult physically, but emotionally and mentally, she was unable to cope with the immense changes occurring in her body. She was puzzled by all of it but not being close to any family member, could not share her thoughts and feelings. The only person who understood her was her boyfriend.. Busy parents often get out of the habit of talking, sharing. Eventually, an emotional distance develops between them and their children.

The best way to prevent such distancing is to spend time with each other, everyday and over a period of time. After our last session, when we spoke to them separately and then together, the father left our premises a happy man with a measure of peace in his heart, willing and wanting to share many precious moments with his family and eager to rebuild a closer relationship with his daughter.

Blog Posted by Sudershan Khanna - Counselor at Seva Free and Confidential counseling.

During my shift at Gandhi hospital, Srinivas (name changed) about twenty five years old entered the room along with his parents. He seemed physically weak and tired and I was informed that Srinivas had attempted suicide. His parents were distressed and upset that they were unaware of his problems and the reasons for his attempted suicide.

I spoke to Srinivas alone, and told him I understood that he must have felt helpless and hopeless if he had thought of taking his life. He began cautiously by saying that on his birthday he was expecting his girlfriend to come home, apologize for behaving badly, tell him that she loved him and wanted to be with him forever. The last time he had walked away from her house was when they had fought bitterly and his hopes and dreams were crushed. Yet he hoped in his mind if she really loved him she would take the initiative to reconcile. Since his lady love did not turn up, he decided if he did something drastic she would come to her senses. She didn't come to visit him in the hospital either.

He said that they had been colleagues in a textile showroom and the girl was married to an abusive husband who fathered a child. On seeing her plight he decided to 'rescue' her and in the process they became close. A few months into the relationship, they decided to live together in her parent's home as he was unwanted in his own. And within the next month she had become pregnant with his child. The girl's family started pressurizing him to help her get a divorce and marry her. Further more, the extended family raised doubts about the parentage of the child she was carrying. In a fit of anger she got the child aborted and he, in the spur of the moment, got a vasectomy done.

What caused him to leave her house was when she announced three months after his operation, she could be pregnant again. He was furious and argued that it was impossible as he got the vasectomy done. She in turn accused him for not helping her get the previous marriage annulled, legally marry her, and for not taking responsibility for his child. At this point he felt she was using him to get her divorce and trapping him into a marriage not because she was in love with him but to get what she wanted.

I asked him to come to SEVA centre for few more sessions to help him get out of his current condition. We discussed why this relationship was not working. He said neither my parents nor my lover want me. I have become just the person my father predicted I would be. So every time he felt worthless he walked out of the scene just to check if the family cared for him and missed him. In the next two sessions I understood that whatever he had done so far was to get attention from his father. He had defied his father silently, never opposed him but walked out of home several times and came home drunk just to spite his father. Even as a child he was told he would add up to nothing because of his poor grades.

After struggling through school and college, the jobs he got into were his father's recommendations and he was reminded constantly that if not for his father he wouldn't get any job. Though he silently suffered, he wanted to tell his father that he may not be academically inclined but he had good knowledge of computers and could fix hardware problems in his sleep. After listening to him patiently, I asked him if he his father knew of his interest and if he did, would he support him. He said he would quickly brush him off and say this would never land him in a plum job and he was wasting his time. And so he said he had never attempted a conversation with his father. I pointed out to him that by not telling his father how he felt, how he had fulfilled his father's prophesy.

I summarized as to how he had sabotaged his own life by neglecting his studies, career, and getting into a bad relationship, just to get back at his father and I asked him if it was worth the trouble. That was the first time he had really started to understand that his life was spiraling downwards and he was responsible. The next inference was that after all that had happened, his father welcomed him home, supported him emotionally which must mean he loved and cared for him. He paused and agreed.

After this, I asked him if he would consider, given each of our personalities it was possible that even though we cared for each other we may communicate differently. That his father wanted him to do better in his career and life in general and probably did not know how to communicate that message effectively. He said he had not thought of it and all this while he put all his energy into getting his father's attention. He also accepted that he was seeking negative attention instead of positive. This was a breakthrough.

In the following sessions I asked him to take charge of his life. We discussed career options, where he was skill wise and what he needs to do to enhance his prospects. His father agreed to pay for his course and owing to his financial condition he was unable to support him any further. This was the first time father and son talked as a family. His father shared his work problems, house EMI payments and how he was running the house on a tight budget. The parents thought they were protecting the children from their difficulties, and push them to become something, so they do not have to suffer like themselves. The young man finally felt accepted and promised to share responsibility in the family.

Blog Posted by Radhika - Counselor at Seva Free and Confidential counseling.

Suresh (name changed) aged 24 a software engineer working in a multinational company walked into SEVA. He appeared confused and restless. He took a few minutes to open up. He said he was very frustrated as his friends didn't reciprocate the way he expected them to. He could not wait for them to return his call, so he became impatient and would take the initiative to call them once again.

He was obsessed about it and was unable to concentrate in his work. He felt insecure and thought may be his friends try to avoid him. When asked about his family, he said his father was very dominating, short tempered and always abused his mother. His father was presently unemployed and because of that, his mother is depressed. He begins to doubt if he too will go into depression. He is close to his mother and feels responsible for his younger sister's education and marriage, which he is unable to share with anyone about his family.

I asked him to tell about his other interests. He brightened up and said he was interested in sports and literature and likes to write. He was forced into engineering. I suggested he could go for jogging or join a gym and also write about his feelings and views on areas of his interest, which would help him to divert. After a couple of sessions he came back cheerful and thanked me for encouraging him to rediscover his potential. He has opened a blog and has been posting regularly. I felt good that I was able to help him ventilate his feelings and pursue his passion for writing.

Blog Posted by Laxmi Raman Mangalam- Counselor at Seva Free and Confidential counseling.